Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Testimony to tell :)

Sometimes we don’t see how far we’ve come, or realize how much worse things could be. I usually try to keep this in mind to keep myself encouraged and thinking positive; but, my thoughts can stray onto the shores of negativity from time to time—hey I’m human. BUT, today a mirror was held in front of me that forced me to see the reality of my situation and that is when this testimony was born. It was like a light bulb had clicked.


I’ve been dealing with sickle cell disease my whole life. In and out of the hospital, IV’s, pills, blood transfusions, pain and all of the other un-pleasantries that come along with the territory of living with a chronic illness. Sitting here in the hospital bed I was reflecting and it was one of those times that I let my circumstance get the best of me. I felt as though I’d take a step forward and 2 back; progress then fall back. I felt as if I wasn’t making the progress I wanted in the time frame I wanted to. And since this ordeal is a common occurrence to me, I’d grown use to it and started taking my life for granted…thinking “just another day another hospital visit”, “another crisis, just life with sickle cell”. However…


My hematologist walked in and noticed that I was flustered and she immediately suggested I have patience and reminded me that this is a process and I’m not doing anything wrong. She said that crisis come unpredictably and the important thing is to think positive. I told her I was not content with my process and this was the moment that mirror was put in front of me, when she said: “You’ve come a LONGGGG way. You may not be where you want but it could be A LOT worse. When I met you, I thought in my head ‘oh my God, this little girl is going to die’. I seriously thought that. I did not tell you that, but that is what I figured based on how you were doing. And look at where you are now, nowhere near that. You’ve come a long way and can go so much further”.


WOW. I started working with her less than a year ago (about 8 months). I was in the Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit—speeding heartbeat, one side not beating at all, lungs filling with fluid, about 900mL of fluid compressing my heart and lungs, low hemoglobin, literally unable to speak because it took too much oxygen (I was writing things down on notecards to communicate). They were running test after test that they seemed to just get worse. They wanted to sedate me and put a tube down my throat to help me breathe but I refused. They then suggested life support and told me eventually my body would tire from trying to breathe and I’d go into cardiac and pulmonary arrest. I got through this crisis after a long 3 weeks in the hospital and a few procedures later. I brushed it off as just a severe crisis. But today I realized I could have been dead. Point blank no sugar coat, I could’ve been 6 feet under but I’m alive and for the most part well. I may not be out doing everything I want but look how far I’ve gotten because of God!


I say all of that to say this: take a look at the positive side. The bright side. The silver lining. The greener grass. Perspective dictates it all. You can choose the negative route and yield negative results--- OR you can choose the positive route and recognize/acknowledge your progress. And if you can make it through once, then you can do it again and you see that eventually you’ll be where you SHOULD be. Notice I didn’t say where you WANT to be but where you SHOULD be; because what we want doesn’t always coincide with what is in God’s will and that’s what matters. So take my story to fuel yourself, encourage yourself, inspire yourself, and to see what God can do (ANYTHING). No matter the diagnoses, the prognosis, the report, the conclusion—its what He says it is. Thank God. Be blessed.

P.S. : If you’re going through anything and need someone to talk to just to get it off your chest or just someone to assure you things will be ok or encourage yourself, drop by my inbox or comment or if you have my number call or text. I want to pass on this feeling.

-Sickle Cell Soldier